the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
