so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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