I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
