To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
