he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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