I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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