Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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