On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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