It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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