If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
