yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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