Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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