Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize