Where is the hickey?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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