I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
