I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
