The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
