the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
