I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
