ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
