swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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