if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
