I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
