Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They have beer where we have blood.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
