Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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