And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Everyone says I win the strip club
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize