i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
