Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
