You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
