I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
