why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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