I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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