I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
