just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
