Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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