Ketchup is God's man juice
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
