You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
