she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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