you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
