We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
