My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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