Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
