They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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