And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
