So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
