My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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