Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
