Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
