i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize