I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just pee around me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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