That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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