Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
