Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
