We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
