As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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