And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize