I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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