Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize