I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
