if only i could text you this smell
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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