Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
