yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
