Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
