after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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