Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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