I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
