he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
