I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
