kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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