guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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