he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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