Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
