My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
