Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
