I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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