remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize