I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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