Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
