best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I would ride that face into the sunset
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
