does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
