Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
