Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
