Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
