hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
