you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
