Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
