just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
