so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
