he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
