she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize