I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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