A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
