It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
