She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My Higher Power is John Stamos
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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