yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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