Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
