I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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