You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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